I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You were trust falling into bushes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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