i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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