I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
