I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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