I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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