Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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