i wish my penis had a tongue
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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