im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
