just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
