i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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