i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
