Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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