bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
