Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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