I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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