don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
