My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
