Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
