No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
