so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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