I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
