remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
