he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
