Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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  (814): First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half. http://tfl.nu/df8e
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  (353): View more from

  When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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  (353): When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head http://tfl.nu/g0x9
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  (858): View more from California

  Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.

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  (858): Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them. http://tfl.nu/9mrx
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  (817): View more from Texas

  My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.

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  (817): My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso. http://tfl.nu/obr6
  Replies (11) Good night (1008) Bad night (5429) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

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  (402): You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day (1-402): If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it http://tfl.nu/wdhm
  Replies (12) Good night (4770) Bad night (1070)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.

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  (419): Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/o1pz
  Replies (12) Good night (1251) Bad night (2539) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket

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  (817): i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket http://tfl.nu/0h42
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (2080) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave

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  (575): I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave http://tfl.nu/cqqt
  Replies (21) Good night (3298) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea

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  (330): ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea http://tfl.nu/4yvx
  Replies (2) Good night (938) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.

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  (724): She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her. http://tfl.nu/mjsv
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.

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  (902): figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it. http://tfl.nu/pdw3
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.

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  (215): If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life. http://tfl.nu/9g40
  Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (454)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Am I going to be on condom boxes?

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  (803): You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time. (1-803): Am I going to be on condom boxes? http://tfl.nu/pwx5
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!

  (818): View more from California

  Were you keeping a list?

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  (339): Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues! (818): Were you keeping a list? http://tfl.nu/r5wn
  Replies (2) Good night (797) Bad night (197)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.

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  (570): So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry. http://tfl.nu/zqk1
  Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (118) Order T-Shirt

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