you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
