If i come over, it means nothing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
