I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
