I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
