I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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