I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
