Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
