I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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