I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
