you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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