I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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