Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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