your room smells of hookers.
And success
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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