I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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