Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
