my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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