Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had sex on a roof
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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