I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize