i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
