My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You're so nebulous sometimes
You work out of a Hotel?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize