Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
