The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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