Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
