making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
