I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize