everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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