This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
