we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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