Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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