That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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