y did u give ur computer a hand job?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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