I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
