I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize