Will you blow on my dice?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My bed smells like the plague
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
